Are you ready to take charge of your life? Today, we’re tackling how to hold yourself accountable, stop holding yourself back, and stick to your personal boundaries. Often, we find ourselves stuck in a cycle of unfulfilled promises and blurred boundaries. But why does this happen? And more importantly, how can we break this cycle? 

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In today’s blog post, let’s dive into some tangible tips that can transform the way you approach your personal goals and relationships! First, we need to address the biggest culprit! The reason why you’re lacking growth and not seeing results may be due to… self-sabotage!

Self-sabotage is a complex behavior where individuals undermine their own success and goals, often subconsciously. Understanding why we self-sabotage and recognizing the ways in which we do it can help in developing strategies to stop this counterproductive behavior.

Why We Self-Sabotage

1. Fear of Failure: Many people fear failure so intensely that they sabotage themselves to avoid the possibility of a larger failure.
2. Fear of Success: That’s right, success can also be intimidating. It can bring increased expectations and pressures, leading some to subconsciously disrupt their own progress.
3. Low Self-Esteem: Believing you’re not worthy of success can lead to behaviors that align with this negative self-view.
4. Control: Self-sabotage can be a way to exert control in situations where people feel they have little control. By sabotaging themselves, they are at least in control of the failure.
5. Familiarity and Comfort: People often gravitate toward what’s familiar. If someone is used to negative outcomes or relationships, self-sabotage can be a way to maintain this familiar state.

Ways We Self-Sabotage

1. Procrastination: Delaying tasks and responsibilities can jeopardize personal and professional goals.
2. Negative Self-Talk: Engaging in self-critical, pessimistic thoughts can decrease motivation and lead to a self-fulfilling prophecy of failure.
3. Overindulgence: Excessive consumption (like overeating, overspending, etc.) can be a way of avoiding responsibilities or feelings. If you often fall victim to overspending, I’ve got a fantastic video for you to tune into! Watch here.
4. Perfectionism: Setting unrealistically high standards can be a setup for failure, as these goals are often unattainable.

Strategies to Stop Self-Sabotage

Awareness and Reflection: 

The first step is recognizing your self-sabotaging behaviors. Reflect on past actions and identify patterns where you’ve undermined yourself. For me, personally, it was a busy calendar. I would always say yes without looking at my calendar and that got me in big trouble. I would constantly find myself feeling overwhelmed or I would cancel on the commitment and feel so guilty. Do you relate? Think about the things you tend to set action on and the things you tend to delay. Take a moment to write down a list of these actions. Then decide to either accept that we need to let it go or modify them so they can actually get done. Inactions and actions have consequences!

Understand Your Triggers: 

Identify what triggers your self-sabotaging behaviors. Is it fear, stress, or feelings of inadequacy? Understanding these can help in developing coping strategies.

Set Realistic Goals: 

Instead of aiming for perfection, set achievable and measurable goals. Breaking larger goals into smaller, manageable tasks can also help! I have a full video on setting smart goals! Tune in here if you’re interested.

Remember to be gentle with yourself. Don’t set so many goals, especially if you are someone who never has stayed on track with goals, that it overwhelms you and you quit before you begin. If you are a beginner at setting goals, limit yourself to 1-3 goals a year. Yes, I said a year. It’s easy in the day and age of Instagram and Youtube to see everyone else’s goals and feel like “I can do that!” But hear me out: you know nothing about their life and how they grew to the capacity they are currently at. Some people are naturally overachievers, but remember the grass isn’t always green on the other side, my friend 

Set Realistic Expectations

I’ll keep this short and sweet.. Be mindful of your “YES” and “NOs.” When we says yes to one thing, we are saying no to so many other things.

Develop Positive Self-Talk: 

Challenge and replace negative thoughts with more positive, encouraging statements. Affirmations and mindfulness can help shift your mindset. Be mindful of priming language like: “This is so hard” or “I can’t do this.” Instead I want you to reframe “this is hard” to “how can I make this easier?” And instead of, “I can’t do this” try saying “I can do this instead of that.”

Seek Support: 

Friends, family, or a therapist can provide support and accountability. Therapy can be particularly helpful in addressing deep-seated issues related to self-sabotage. Seeking support based on your goals is important! For example, I joined a group this year that helps me stay accountable about planning. If you are working towards starting a Youtube channel, writing a book, or changing your career – find groups that help support you! This is a sure way to make sure you don’t do it all alone and don’t self sabotage! Accountability is so important!

Learn from Failures: 

View failures as opportunities to learn and grow, rather than as a reflection of your worth.

Healthy Coping Mechanisms: 

Develop healthy ways to deal with stress and anxiety, such as exercise, hobbies, or relaxation techniques. In this video, we talk all about forming habits that last and that are aligned with the life that you want for yourself. Habits do not have to be hard!

Celebrate Successes: 

Acknowledge and celebrate your achievements, no matter how small. This can help build a positive association with success. You can do a win wall or have a monthly reflection where you acknowledge your wins!

Overcoming self-sabotage requires patience and persistence. It involves changing long-standing habits and mindsets, which isn’t an overnight process. However, with consistent effort and the right strategies, it is possible to move past self-sabotage and towards a more fulfilling and successful life.

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